Raw Revisited 20th January: Grand Theft Orton

 

Last week featured the best ending to Raw in years…YEARS! This week…was not that. It wasn’t even close. Cena shook hands with a bunch of kids and did his usual shtick to close the show. It ended much like Batista’s return began…not with a bang, but with a whimper.

Not exactly what I, or most people look for from a go home show! It certainly didn’t help that it began with. This will be a short Raw Revisited this week because I just don’t have the time and the show just wasn’t very good!

Well, That Was Nice While It Lasted Eh?

They’re baaaack! Super sarcastic yay! Super sarcastic “I missed them so much” face. This wasn’t how I wanted to start Raw after last week’s awesomeness. I’m gonna keep this short because…Jesus, you should know why by now!

HEADLINE: Old Man Dresses Like Young Man, Returns To Unfairly Leapfrog More Worthy Contenders

Batista jeans come in paint cans!

Not with a bang, but with a whimper like I said! Based on the lukewarm reception that Batista received on his “triumphant” return to the WWE, this isn’t working quite how Triple H and Vince perceived it would. But that could be a good thing for us fans! Maybe they will rethink the obvious Batista Rumble win and give it to Daniel Bryan.

So, That Explanation!

I, more than most, am happy that Daniel Bryan’s foray into the Wyatt Family is over. One thing that I’m not so happy about is the way they explained it this week. I would’ve been fine with an explanataion of “I came to my senses”, but nope, they went with “I was working against them from the inside all along”, which is the worst option of the two.

Either way, Bryan vs Bray is on for the Rumble and there’s still no solid confirmation that Bryan will pull double duty in the Rumble as well.

There are 5 open slots remaining though, with potential spots going to returns like Sheamus, RVD, Christian and Evan Bourne, which leaves 1 spot. A man can dream. But if Bryan’s not going to be in the Rumble and win it, he’s better off not being in it at all as far as I’m concerned.

CM Punk vs Mr (Fat) Ass

Billy Gunn did not look good in the ring tonight. He’s out of shape, fat and slow. I’m not exactly the fittest of people but Jesus…if you’re going to have a guy wrestle regularly who isn’t Big Show, then he should at least be in shape.

At least Punk got a decisive win to look strong going into the Rumble where, as Kane announced after the match, he will enter at number 1. We all know he isn’t going to win because of HHH-treachery anyway, so at least he can have a strong hour-long showing before being eliminated under shady circumstances.

Batista The Cowardly Animal

Batista continued to unimpress on Raw by attacking Alberto Del Rio after his 20+ minute match with Rey Mysterio. The crowd wasn’t really into this either. Well, not as much as people would’ve hoped anyway. I’m not a fan of ADR at all, but he really came out looking like the brave one here.

Batista just looked like a bully picking on a weak man, while ADR was the valiant warrior who stepped up against the bigger man even though he’d already been beaten down.

Great debut Dave. Can’t wait to see you devalue more people who are working hard to EARN A FUCKING SPOT!

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DICK!

Small Man Lesnar

It’s not often you see Brock Lesnar dominated and looking weak. It’s especially weird to see him as the smaller man. The only problem is that it’s Big Show he’s squaring off against here. A man who has lost all credibility thanks to his numerous face and heel turns, dressing up like a baby and losing to people who he could literally kill with a pinch!

Either way, it was interesting to see Lesnar looking vulnerable for a change, but it still doesn’t make me any more interested in their Rumble match this Sunday.

Randy Orton Charms A Stranger Into Chauffeuring Him Around/John Cena Rises Above The Crowd (Literally)

We’re at the end already. I skipped a bunch of matches. I’m sorry about that, but they weren’t great anyway.

The main event saw Randy go up against Kofi again this week, and it was just as good as last week. Which is to say, it was pretty bad! It was all leading up to John Cena “arriving” at the arena to confront Orton, so it was meaningless for the most part.

The interesting part came at the end when Orton ran through the crowd to escape Cena and either commandeered someone’s car, or convinced them to give him a ride to get away from Cena.

As I mentioned at the start, this was not the way to end the go-home show before the Rumble. What happened to the big brawl at the end of the Raw before the Rumble that had become tradition? I miss that….and so many other things from wrestling past, but that’s a whole other article!

See y’all next week for a (hopefully) longer Raw Revisited.

NOTE: Be sure to check out MFX Podcast: RAW Edition that goes up later in the week (Thursday/Friday)

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