After the highs of War of The Worlds last week, this week I ventured down the well trodden path of TNA. I went from a great wrestling show, to a less than average show, which may or may not have had some wrestling in it.
Total Non Stop Action. That is what TNA is short for. They used to have a tagline, ‘Where Wrestling Matters’. They used to actually have wrestlers. That was then, this is now.
Impact this week, when you take out the advert breaks, ran for just under an hour and a half. Now we all know that any wrestling show will have little segments to build stories, and that this is necessary. WWE has a three hour show which I would guess is maybe just under a fifty fifty split. matches take up just under half the show. And that is not enough for my liking.
Total Non Stop Action however, and I was not using a stopwatch so this figure may be out a little, had about 30% matches. The show ran for about 85 minutes, actual wrestling matches accounted for less than 30 of those minutes. The longest match, the main event, featuring the showcase talent, the champion, saw Eric Young lose in about 7 minutes to Bobby Lashley.
Before that, the show opened with MVP and his posse, also known as ‘not the authority, or anything like it, this is totally different, honest’, were in the ring dealing with first the wolves, then Eric Young and Austin Aries for 25 minutes. TWENTY FIVE MINUTES. For the avoidance of doubt, that is the similar to the total number of wrestling match minutes…
To be fair, this was followed by a five minute knockouts match, so the first half hour could totally be called non stop, just none of it was what used to matter. By the way, just in case you thought a five minute knockouts match is ok, no clean finish…
This then brought MVP back out for a match with Aries, and this was a total slobberknocker… under four minutes, with a DQ. Which was followed up by ten minutes of MVP/Dixie/Bully. So far, we are halfway through the show, and MVP has been on screen for somewhere round 35 of the 45 minutes. And we thought Hogan was overexposed in TNA.
Still, we have a no holds barred match between Willow and Magnus. Both are ex Champions, so this is bound to be good. Another sub 5 minute match, where Bram tries to stoke up Magnus to use a foreign object, and Magnus battles the demons, before deciding not to hit Willow in the head with whatever that steel object was, and loses.
Bram Stoker, like Bray before him, is still trying to find the evil in a good guy, except Magnus a month ago would have done anything in a match anyway, he only really had any doubts about his actions after Bram turned up.
Now at the same time as all this total non stop crap is going on, we have Gunner visiting Samuel Shaw in an asylum, after he was committed for losing a wrestling match, which happens all the time, please do not question this. We also have Anderson and James Storm meeting in a bar for a drinking competition.
Why either of these things would happen, I have no idea, but given the way the show has gone so far, it wont really matter because 95% of people will have turned over to watch anything else in the world. But these segments will continue, and no way anyone will ever guess how they will end. Even I don’t know how the Gunner/Shaw thing ended, I was distracted by a seagull flying past my window. Four miles away.
I will however take the time to tell you that Anderson and Storm end up in a fight, but this is no ordinary fight. This is a TNA fight. Anderson fools Storm by drinking non alcoholic beer,and then attacks the heel once he is too drunk to defend himself. Again makes perfect sense for the face to use tactics like that, and does not in any way make Anderson look like a coward. No honestly, its what a cheeky chappy like Anderson would do, and it is funny.
But enough of this hilarity, lets get back to the ring to see Kenny King and Eddie Edwards, after Eddie challenges one of the Rip Off WWE Gang to put him in the hospital, Kenny King obliged, and that is about the best I can say. to be fair, this was OK, but still only lasted about six minutes, and by this time, I was losing the will to live.
Main event time. Eric Young and Lashley in what could be classed as an Iron Man Match, it lasted seven minutes. The only official match to go over 5 minutes on the whole show. EY is doing OK, until MVP realises he has not been on screen for almost 20 minutes, and comes down to interfere, giving Lashley the pin.
I think at this point I should fill in a few holes.
- Dixie and MVP may or may not now be on the same page, but neither like Bully, who was put through a table by EC3 after being attacked by the Not Authority.
- Spud was on screen for about 2 seconds. Impact is now filmed using only nine wrestlers who all compete to get most on screen time, MVP wins.
- Oh and you can get 20% off a Willow umbrella if you use some promo code.
I would have said that War of The Worlds may have set the bar so high, I would not enjoy anything else, but I watched Raw, and while I may not have loved it, at least it was watch-able..
Now, having lambasted TNA, it is only fair I offer suggestions on what could be done better. Everything really, but still, working with what they have, can the show be saved?
- First things first, its a wrestling show, put some matches on. Matches that give the talent a chance to showcase what they can do. A five minute match does nothing for anyone.
- Second, get Dixie off TV. I actually don’t mind Dixie as much as others appear to, but we cant have two heel authority figures, and as much as I dislike MVP, he can actually wrestle, so he gets to stay.
- Anderson, is he a face or a heel? If he is a face, have him act like one.
- Writers, get some, or fire some and get some new ones.
- Stop watching WWE, start thinking on your own.
- Build, and keep building. Even if it means resetting everything in the company, do it.
- Get the foundations of the company right. Contracts and talent you can afford, writers who will take chances, and wrestlers who will work their asses off to make TNA the best it can be.
Some of those wrestlers are already with TNA. EC3,Spud, Magnus, Joe, The Wolves,Jeff Hardy(not willow) Bully, Aries, Roode and Storm can all pull their weight. Abyss and Lashley get to be the two big guys who appear now and then. Keep those guys and dump the rest, then scour the world looking for fresh new talent. Talent that is hungry, talent that is desperate for that chance.
Give them deals that increase if they get more popular, and tell them you are giving them the chance to raise their profile. And I don’t mean like gut check, sign them on short term deals with options for longer. Keep the ones that impress, bin the ones that don’t. Let them know that they can go as far as they want, as long as they work hard and use their talents.
And start charging for tickets to Impact. When something is free, it tells us it is worth nothing. You may be filling the Impact Zone, but you are also piping in crowd noise, or adding it after the taping, and we can tell when you do that. Charge a minimal fee though, and people are now invested in enjoying themselves. As opposed to people wandering in, then wandering out again five minutes later.
Charging also tells the wrestlers they have to perform. Who cares if we failed to impress an audience who got in for nothing? Why would anyone risk anything for a crowd that turned up because they wondered ‘what is in here?’
And if you are ever in any doubt, take the chance. It will not always pay off, and some ideas may be so bad they hurt, but honestly, TNA cannot continue the way it is going right now. Wrestlers look like they are not really trying, we know that the writers are definitely not, and when that happens, why would the audience bother?
Now I know this was quite a big article, and I got a lot off my chest, but if you think of all the talent, writers and wrestlers, that would kill for a spot on a roster with TV time, and think of how TNA is using the TV time they have, it is hard not to think that enough is enough. Given the two iPPVs that ROH have just held, and the quality of both those shows, is it too much to ask TNA to get it right on a bigger budget?
I have said it before, and no doubt I will say it again, but TNA need to provide not competition to WWE, but an alternative. Alternative everything. And while I would never say I have the skill or talent needed to write a wrestling show,there has to be better than what TNA currently have somewhere.
While I am talking about writing, it is about the time of day when I recommend taking the time to browse the other articles, right here, on SLTDwrestling.com. In the last few weeks, we have had reviews of live shows, trips to training camps, spotlights on various wrestlers, and some grumpy guff from me. When you add in the twice weekly MFX podcast, and SLTD radio, there really is no need to go anywhere else for wrestling on the internet.
Finally, a quick update on the twitter war that continues to rage. I am currently ahead by about 15 followers, and imagine all of you are as desperate as myself to see me ultimately vanquish my girlfriend in a way that allows me to pretend I am actually popular. You can do so by following me @GrantCookDFC , where you will be entertained sporadically by my insight into pretty much anything that catches and holds my attention for more than 20 seconds. So no TNA….
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