Welcome to the latest edition of our WrestleMania Rewind series, written by yours truly, exclusively for everyone here at SLTD Wrestling. The aim of WrestleMania Rewind was to review every WrestleMania in roughly 2,000 words. Click here to read the series so far.
For new readers, I’ll just explain the concept. These rewinds are not designed to be play-by-play “he did this, she did that”. Some points of the matches will be covered. Others won’t. I’ll rarely cover any talking segments, and won’t touch on the kick-off or preview shows. If you want that sort of info, you’ve come to the wrong place.
Today’s edition focuses on WrestleMania 33, which took place on 2nd April 2017 from the Citrus Bowl in Orlando, Florida. 75,245(ish) members of the WWE Universe packed themselves into the stadium and were treated to 10, yes TEN, matches.
There were about 437 different commentators on hand because it was the first Mania after the 2016 brand split. Raw and SmackDown were represented as individual brands. New Day are our “hosts” and there’s a lot to get to, so let’s roll!
Match 1: AJ Styles vs Shane McMahon
Both try to one-up each other and there’s some excellent chain wrestling at the start. Fisticuffs lead to some ringside brawling. AJ gets the advantage, but as usual with Shane matches, he’s got his hope spots in there – the spinning elbow, some throws and he gets a nearfall from an AngleSlam. They exchange counters of submission holds and after a couple of quick 2-counts for Shane, they collide and they’re both down.
AJ goes for a 450 splash, but Shane catches him in a triangle choke – only for AJ to counter that into a one-arm Styles Clash for a nearfall. There’s a ref bump and a trash can makes an appearance. Shane nails AJ with the coast-to-coast dropkick and gets a close, CLOSE 2-count. Shane misses an elbow drop through the announce table. He gets rolled in and counters the Phenomenal Forearm into a tornado DDT.
Shane goes for a Shooting Star Press, but misses and AJ nails the Phenomenal Forearm to pick up the win.
Opinion: What an opening match. The crowd was hot for it and Shane, by God, just doesn’t know when he’s beaten. He’s an incredible performer. As good as this match was, you couldn’t help but think that AJ was above this, but he was determined to steal the show, which these guys might well have done.
Match 2: WWE United States Championship Match: Kevin Owens vs Chris Jericho (c)
This makes my heart cry. Two best friends fighting each other. Say it ain’t so!!!
Jericho’s in control early until Owens gets back in it with a superkick. Owens nails two cannonballs, both in and out of the ring. Jericho gets back into it with a 2-count from a spinning elbow drop. Owens counters the CodeBreaker into a gutwrench powerbomb for a nearfall. They exchange nearfalls and counter high-risk offense. At one point, they both end up in the Walls, but neither man taps.
Owens gets a close, AND I MEAN CLOSE, nearfall from a pop-up powerbomb. Jericho counters another into a CodeBreaker, which almost beats Owens. The count gets broken as Owens has one finger on the bottom rope. Owens traps Jericho in the ropes, nails a pop-up powerbomb on the apron and rolls Jericho in to capture the title.
Opinion: We’re two for two. Two excellent starters at Mania and to be honest, I would’ve been happy with either man winning. The match was well put together and told a great story. Owens was vicious when he needed to be, and Jericho is the consummate professional. I love these guys and wish they’d had more time to tell their story.
Match 3: Fatal-4-Way Elimination Match for the RAW Women’s Championship – Bayley (c) vs Charlotte vs Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax
Unsurprisingly, Nia’s targeted early but dominates and no-sells their offense. Nia’s held by the others and Charlotte hits a big boot into a double suplex for 2. Nia’s eliminated first thanks to a triple powerbomb and pin.
Charlotte and Bayley scrap outside before Sasha nails Bayley with a somersault plancha. Charlotte then lands a corkscrew moonsault from the top rope onto the outside. There’s some back and forth between Charlotte and Sasha, which leads to a turnbuckle being exposed. Sasha’s eliminated when she’s thrown headfirst into the exposed turnbuckle and pinned by Charlotte.
Good psychology where Charlotte works Bayley’s knee. Bayley gets hung up on the top rope and back body drops Charlotte off the top turnbuckle. She lands a top rope elbow to retain her title.
Opinion: For the second year in a row, the women put together a phenomenal match. It made sense to come down to Charlotte and Bayley and the psychology of working the body part from Charlotte was tremendously well told. So far, these matches have all been great.
Match 4: Triple-Threat Ladder Match for the Raw Tag-Team Championships – Cesaro/Sheamus vs Enzo/Cass vs Gallows/Anderson (c)
Before the match kicks off, New Day appear and announce the match is now a fatal-4-way. But who… who… who? Well, it’s only bloody Matt and Jeff Hardy! The crowd goes insane for the Hardys and the other guys look PISSED.
There are signature Hardys spots early on and the crowd go mental. There’s a really dangerous spot where Cass boots the ladder and almost snaps Cesaro’s leg in half. That could have been nasty! A couple of ladders are bridged on the hard camera side. Enzo comes close to winning but Anderson stops him and launches him off the ladder into an uppercut from Cesaro. Matt then nails a Twist of Fate to Anderson from the top of the ladder. Jeff sends Sheamus and Cesaro crashing through the bridged ladders as Matt climbs up to claim the titles.
Opinion: This was terrific. The crowd went batshit crazy when the Hardys came out. DELETE! and BROTHER NERO chants ad nauseum. It was just crazy. I marked out like I’ve not done for a long time. Surprises are good sometimes! If you bring them back, they had to win. Before the match, I’d have gone with Enzo/Cass but with the Hardys involved, they were always going to come out on top.
Match 5: Miz & Maryse vs John Cena & Nikki Bella
Yay! Cena’s in the midcard again. John & Nikki are like the Poundland version of Macho Man & Elizabeth. Jerry Lawler appears for commentary – #random – but whatevs…
There’s a huge %age of the crowd that are pro-Miz. As they should be. As we ALL should be. The heels more or less dominate the entire match. Miz gets too cocky and Nikki slaps him. He stumbles and gets backdropped over the top rope. Nikki gets the hot tag and batters Maryse before landing a suicide dive on the Miz. Back in the ring and we get double 5 Knuckle Shuffles and finishers before the babyfaces pick up the win.
Opinion: Sigh. The Poundland Mach and Liz win. Why? I know sometimes the heels need to get their comeuppance, but Miz deserves his moment against Cena. He’s bitched out every time and deserves more. Oh, and post-match, Cena and Nikki got engaged. Excuse me, I’m off to be sick…
Match 6: Unsanctioned Match – HHH vs Seth Rollins
From the start, there’s a complete lack of heat to this match. They brawl inside and outside the ring. Psychology sees H work Seth’s knee with a variety of moves and weapons. Every time it looks like Seth’s about to get back in it, his knee “gives way”. There’s a couple of hope spots, including a top rope crossbody and a nearfall from a Frog Splash.
H goes back to working the knee and he’s relentless. Seth gets a nearfall from a superplex/Falcon Arrow combo. The finish comes when Seth has the sledgehammer in hand and Steph gets involved. They each get a couple of nearfalls – H from a Pedigree and Seth from a Phoenix Splash. Both men tease hitting the Pedigree. Seth Superkicks H into Steph on the apron and she crashes through a table. Seth hits the Pedigree to win.
Opinion: Poor Seth. Stuck in the mid-card with the Game-Ah. The Albatross of WrestleMania – past, present and future. You can’t polish that turd and there’s not enough glitter in the Universe to cover it. Ironic that this match was between the Crossfit Jesus and the man with a God complex. The only logical way for the story to end was for Seth to win and he did. Now get him away from H as soon as possible!!!
Match 7: WWE Championship Match – Bray Wyatt (c) vs Randy Orton
There appears to be sperm following young Randall to the ring. Wait… it’s supposed to be a snake. STUPID!!!
It’s a fast-paced match and whenever Bray takes control there’s WEIRD GRAPHICS. He gets a 2-count off a Urinagi and a senton. There’s brawling outside and Bray hits a Sister Abigail into the barricade. Orton responds by hitting an RKO on the floor. A series of counters leads to Orton hitting a backbreaker and his draping DDT, only for Bray to counter the RKO into Sister Abigail for a nearfall. There’s even more WEIRD GRAPHICS before Orton nails a sudden RKO to win the title.
Opinion: Weird graphics. Weird match. Unsettling. And not in a good way. As with earlier matches, I was fine with whoever won but it would’ve been nice for Bray to finally get a singles win at Mania. Maybe next year.
Match 8: WWE Universal Championship Match – Brock Lesnar vs Goldberg (c)
Lesnar hits three German suplexes early but Billy Boy no sells them and takes Brock down. He hits a couple of Spears, one through the barricade outside. “GOOOOOOLDBERRRRG!” A series of counters leads to Spear #4! Billy Boy gets a 2-count from a Jackhammer. Lesnar avoids Spear #5 and takes the champ to Suplex City. He’s not fucking around anymore and wins with the F5.
Opinion: I remember reading somewhere that during Goldberg’s 2016-17 run, he wrestled for less than 10 minutes. Around 5 of those were in this match. It was OK for what it was. Two big bulls scrapping. Lesnar winning was the right call.
Match 9: Six-Pack Challenge Match for the SmackDown Women’s Championship – Alexa Bliss (c) vs Becky Lynch vs Carmella vs Mickie James vs Natalya vs Naomi
They pair off and there’s chaos. Becky and Mickie were left to get it on. That’s something I’d like to see more of, but not necessarily in this context… Moving on, Carmella gets the first nearfall of the match, followed by Alexa Bliss. Becky’s the workhorse here and has the best showing, along with Mickie. Naomi takes all the ladies out with a springboard splash, then makes Alexa Bliss tap to win the title.
Opinion: You know how I feel about multi-person matches. This felt a little too chaotic and rushed. It also looked like some of the less experienced workers were waiting for instructions or for their spots. It didn’t always feel natural. For the second year in a row, Becky was the most impressive and she should be one of the focal points of either division going forward. She’s incredible. I heart her.
Match 10: Roman Reigns vs The Undertaker
Taker looks out of shape but is all over Roman early on with headbutts, right hands and simple power moves. There’s a very deliberate pace to the match, probably cos Taker can’t go anymore. There’s some ringside brawling – quelle surpreez – and Taker chokeslams Roman onto the German announce table. Roman responds in kind by Spearing Taker through the Spanish one! No es bueno!
A steel chair gets introduced into proceedings and Roman’s the first to feel it when Taker avoids a third Superman punch and chokeslams Roman onto it. There’s a sloppy spot where it looks like Roman is trying to get Taker into position for a Tombstone, but he can’t lift him so just nails him with a Superman punch and a Spear instead.
Roman breaks Hell’s Gate by reaching the ropes and starts battering Taker with a chair. He gets a 2-count from a 2nd Spear. He’s no closer with his 3rd, so decides enough is enough. Roman hits another Superman punch and a 4th Spear to beat the Deadman.
Post-match, it appears to all the world that Taker is retiring as he leaves his gear in the ring and disappears from view.
Opinion: I love Roman. He’s everything you want a sports-entertainer to be. Marketable, hard-working, has consistently good to great matches with a variety of different opponents and the crowd care about him. He did a phenomenal job here with a man in The Undertaker who, at this stage, clearly can’t go.
We saw very little from Taker, no Old School. The Last Ride looked sloppy too and to be fair, I look in better shape than him and yours truly is carrying a fair amount of timber/holiday weight/water. But I’m not an athlete. It’s heartbreaking to watch what Taker has become. He can’t work like he used to and if he continues, he’s in severe danger of bastardizing and tarnishing his legacy by continuing to work when he clearly can’t.
Should the match have gone on last? Yes. IF Taker is now done. If not, they could’ve done this in the middle of the card and given the spot to someone else.
Summary: For the most part, this is the best Mania in years. The first four matches were excellent, HHH/Rollins and Taker/Reigns were serviceable, Goldberg/Lesnar was perfect for what it was. It would’ve been good to see the SmackDown women get a little more time in a show that ran for over 5 hours, but that’d be nit-picking.
The match of the night? It kicked off the show – AJ/Shane was an outstanding match, closely followed by Jericho/Owens and the tag-team ladder match.
The thing I liked most about this show? It ends with a cliffhanger. Is Taker done? He’s left his gear in the ring, so who knows? I hope for his sake, and the sake of his legacy, that he is done. He doesn’t need to come back and has nothing to prove. Time to step away gracefully Deadman. You’ve earned the right to do that.
Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed these revisions of WrestleMania here on SLTDWrestling.com. It’s been a lot of work and I’ve seen a lot of good, and a LOT of crap. For those of you who like my work and wonder why I don’t do it as often anymore, it’s because projects like this take it out of me. I’ll get back into it again at some point I’m sure.
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SLTD Wrestling's resident Scottish Nightmare. Some of my content may not be suitable for younger readers or those who are easily offended!
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