Welcome to the latest edition of our WrestleMania Rewind series, written by yours truly, exclusively for everyone here at SLTD Wrestling. The aim of WrestleMania Rewind was to review every WrestleMania in roughly 2,000 words. Click here to read the series so far.
WrestleMania 29. It took place on April 7th, 2013 in front of over 80,000 fans at the Met-Life Stadium in New Jersey. Like WM28, there were 8 matches advertised. The headline match was Rock/Cena 2, but I’ll give my thoughts on that later, as well as the reasons why I’m NOT one of the ones who bitched about it.
We had a 3-man commentary team – Jerry Lawler, JBL and Michael Cole – to take care of proceedings, so I’ll shut up and get on with the review!
Match 1: Sheamus, Randy Orton & Big Show vs The Shield
Sheamus and Reigns kick things off, but a series of tags lead to The Shield working Show. He makes the hot tag to Sheamus who delivers a pair of rolling sentons to Rollins and Ambrose. The Shield has the best of a ringside brawl. They go for a triple powerbomb on Sheamus, but Show wipes everyone out with a Spear.
Sheamus goes to tag Show, but Orton tags himself in and hits his signature moves (including the draping DDT) on Ambrose. Rollins comes off the top rope into an RKO, but Reigns Spears Orton. Ambrose covers him to get the win.
Opinion: A really terrific, yet chaotic match, which has become typical of The Shield. They were really impressive and it was a great match to open the show. The crowd loved it too.
Match 2: Mark Henry vs Ryback
Henry floors Ryback first with a splash and just dominates Ryback. Henry’s ability to withstand what little offense Ryback can muster – Meathook Clothesline included. He picks up the win when Ryback goes for Shellshocked, and Henry falls on him.
Opinion: A result that surprised me, to be honest. Cast your minds back a year to before WM29. Ryback was being pushed as a monster babyface, yet he came up short against Henry. For a match with two big men, it’s better than most.
Match 3: WWE Tag-Team Championship Match – Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston (w/AJ Lee) vs Team Hell No (c)
Bryan lands an early kick on Ziggler for 2 and follows with a suicide dive outside. He lands a series of kicks back in the ring till they both tag out, leaving Kane and Langston to go at it. Langston just edges it. Ziggler’s in now and gets a nearfall off a dropkick.
The heels work Kane. Kane gets back in it with a sidewalk slam for 2. He misses a clothesline from the top rope and Ziggler Fame Assers him for 2. Ziggler gets another from the Zig-Zag. Kane lands a chokeslam and tags Bryan, who delivers a top rope headbutt for the win.
Opinion: A harmless, enjoyable match that gave everyone a chance to shine. Bryan and Ziggler were really over, and they were the highlights for me.
Match 4: Fandango vs Chris Jericho
Jericho’s all over Fandango and hits the Codebreaker early, which sends Fandango outside. Jericho lands a splash from the top rope. Fandango gets back into it when he catches Jericho with a kick as he’s springboarding. Jericho gets a nearfall from an enziguri, and another from a top rope crossbody. Fandango sends Jericho shoulder first into the ringpost and lands his top rope legdrop for 2, but misses a second. Jericho hits the Lionsault, but Fandango counters the Walls into a small package to win.
Opinion: Jericho did a great job of putting Fandango over here. What little offense Fandango got in was effective, and it was a terrific little counter that got the dancer who doesn’t really dance the win.
Match 5: World Heavyweight Championship Match – Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Colter) vs Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez)
ADR’s wearing a dressing gown of some description. Maybe he’s so boring that he sent himself to sleep!
A distraction by Colter gives Swagger the advantage and he gets a quick 2-count from a clothesline. He follows that with another from a Swagger Bomb. ADR gets back in it with clotheslines, then a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Swagger starts working ADR’s left leg, but ADR crotches him on the second rope and hits a Backstabber for 2. There’s some LOUD “We Want Ziggler” chants.
Swagger counters the Cross Armbreaker with a gutwrench powerbomb for 2. ADR counters the Ankle Lock with the Cross Armbreaker, but Swagger counters that back into the Ankle Lock and ADR gets to the ropes to force a break. ADR counters a second gutwrench powerbomb with an enziguri. He lands a second in the corner to get a 2-count. A distraction between Colter and Rodriguez gives Swagger back the advantage…or so he thinks. ADR puts him in the Cross Armbreaker and Swagger taps.
Opinion: You can’t really argue with the quality of the match. Both guys are technically sound and as athletically talented as you’ll get. The problem is that neither man – to me at least – is/was World Champion material. IC Champion? Sure, but not main-event. That’s the problem.
Match 6: CM Punk (w/Paul Heyman) vs The Undertaker
It doesn’t take long for the action to spill outside, where Taker’s dominant, and lands his legdrop on the apron. Punk counters Old School with an armdrag to get the advantage and delivers an Old School of his own! He follows that with a side Russian legsweep for 2. Punk sends Taker outside and lands a double ax-handle from the top rope. He gets a 2-count from a neckbreaker, ducks a right hand and gets another from a swinging neckbreaker.
A distraction from Heyman leads to Punk hitting a clothesline from the top rope for 2. He gets another nearfall from a top rope elbow. Taker counters the GTS with a THUNDEROUS chokeslam for 2. Punk clotheslines Taker outside. He counters the Last Ride with a roundhouse kick and lands a top rope elbow on Taker on the announce table. Punk puts Taker in Hell’s Gate. Taker powers up, only for Punk to counter a chokeslam with a GTS. Taker bounces off the ropes, into a Tombstone for 2.
There’s a ref bump following an exchange of right hands. Taker counters a high knee into the Last Ride. Heyman gives the urn to Punk, and he blasts Taker with it for 2. A series of counters leads to a second Tombstone for Taker, and he gets the win.
Opinion: A brilliant, BRILLIANT pro-wrestling match. Punk had a counter for virtually every one of Taker’s moves, except for the chokeslam and Tombstone. The crowd loved every second of it and while it wasn’t as good as Taker’s WM battles with Shawn Michaels, I’d rank this above every other match Taker’s had at the Showcase of the Immortals. I can’t praise it enough.
Match 7: Brock Lesnar (w/Paul Heyman) vs Triple H (w/Shawn Michaels)
H just shades a ringside brawl and no more. Well, until Lesnar lands an overhead belly-to-belly on the floor anyway. He follows that up by suplexing H through the Spanish Announce Table. Lesnar’s taking H apart and cuts off his comebacks until H manages to land a clothesline outside. He follows that by battering Lesnar with a chair. Michaels tries to get involved, which results in Lesnar F5’ing him.
Lesnar turns around into a Pedigree for 2. He then gets a nearfall of his own from an F5 before wiping H out at ringside, mainly using the steps before throwing them into the ring, where he does the same. H fights out of the Kimura three times, sends Lesnar into the ringpost and low-blows him. H wears out Lesnar’s arm with a chair, then puts him in the Kimura! Lesnar drives H into the steps several times to try to break it, but can’t.
H counters the last of Lesnar’s drives with a DDT into the steps, blasts Lesnar with the sledgehammer and Pedigrees Lesnar on the steps to pick up the win.
Opinion: If you’re judging this as a wrestling match, then you’re at the wrong party. This most definitely WAS NOT a wrestling match. What it was, was a fight – that Triple H TRIED to turn into a wrestling match. And THAT’S why the match suffered. After the heat that the Punk/Taker match had, this completely killed the crowd. It was fine, but it suffered because it followed the Streak.
Match 8: WWE Championship Match: John Cena vs The Rock (c)
Rock has the measure of Cena early on and has an answer for everything until Cena puts him in a reverse chinlock and gets a 2-count from a belly-to-belly. Cena powers out of a sleeper with a sideslam for another 2. Cena misses an elbow. Rock delivers a Samoan Drop. An exchange of right hands leads to Cena getting a 2-count from a Fisherman’s Suplex.
Rock puts Cena in the Sharpshooter. Cena rolls through to break it, but misses the Five Knuckle Shuffle, allowing Rock to DDT him. Cena counters the Rock Bottom with a Crossface that Michael Cole calls an STF! Rock rolls through it for 2. The next few minutes see them countering each other’s finishing moves and getting a series of nearfalls.
Another exchange of counters leads to Cena getting a 2-count from a Rock Bottom! Rock replies with a 2 of his own from a Rock Bottom, and he counters the AA with a DDT. Cena counters what must have been the 12,429th attempt of a Rock Bottom with an AA to pick up the win.
Opinion: The crowd DID NOT like Cena here. It was so obvious that Rock even mouthed to him at one point “you hear that motherfucker…they DON’T like you”. Anyway, that’s beside the point. I could hear Cena calling most of the match. I didn’t think you were supposed to hear the pro’s doing that? This wasn’t great. All they did was counter finishers for the last 10 minutes. As a spectacle, it was OK, but as a match? I could’ve lived without seeing it.
Summary: I have to say something here before I have a fucking brain aneurysm.
FUCK YOU MICHAEL COLE. IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO PLAY-BY-PLAY, THEN LEARN THE CORRECT NAMES OF WRESTLING MOVES, YOU SQUEAKY VOICED FUCKWIT!
He honestly called a Crossface an STF. They’re completely different! What an utter twat! That’s why I hate watching WWE events now, cos Cole has no fucking clue what he’s talking about. It saddens, and depresses, me that there’s a whole generation of fans out there who will have to live with MICHAEL FUCKING COLE as the voice of the WWE. For shame…
Right, on to the event itself. Well, my friends, we seem to have stumbled across an all too familiar problem. WrestleMania 29 peaked too early again. The peak was the Punk/Taker match. Everything after that felt a little less special. Anti-climactic if you will.
Let me address the moronic element of WWE fans out there who bitched about the fact that WrestleMania 29 saw the second match between Rock and Cena. They all say “but WWE said it would only happen once in a lifetime”. All that was, was a clever marketing ploy. And like the sheep you are, you fucking bought it.
Do you want to know why WWE went with a second Rock/Cena match? One word – MONEY. Guess how much money WWE made at WrestleMania 29? A record for a WWE live event – $72million. That’s SEVENTY-TWO MILLION DOLLARS. For all the keyboard warriors out there who bitched and moaned about it, there were more people who wanted to see it again than didn’t. The facts are there in the numbers that, for Vince McMahon and the WWE, money talks. Deal with it!
As far as highlights, like I said, the only match with something about it was the Punk/Taker match. Yes, the opener, as well as the tag-title match were fun, but Punk/Taker was the only thing with any life about it. Everything else felt second-rate if I’m honest, and your biggest show of the year shouldn’t feel like that.
Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed our WrestleMania Rewind series. If you want to share your WrestleMania memories with us, then leave your comments/feedback via the usual channels and keep your eyes peeled here to SLTD Wrestling.
SLTD Wrestling's resident Scottish Nightmare. Some of my content may not be suitable for younger readers or those who are easily offended!
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