Welcome to the latest edition of our WrestleMania Rewind series, written by yours truly, exclusively for everyone here at SLTD Wrestling. The aim of WrestleMania Rewind is to review every WrestleMania in roughly 2,000 words. Click here to read the series so far.
As you can see, there were no legal ramifications from my Pat Patterson joke yesterday, so today, my DeLorean has arrived at the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, California on March 31st, 1996, where I’ll be taking in WrestleMania 12. Just under 19,000 fans crammed into the arena for the 12th instalment of wrestling’s Superbowl. Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler were our commentators.
Match 1: Vader, Owen Hart & British Bulldog (w/Jim Cornette) vs Yokozuna, Ahmed Johnson & Jake Roberts (w/Mr Fuji)
There’s a brawl to kick things off. Eventually, it settles down to the two behemoths – Vader and Big Yoke. A series of tags from both teams leads to the heels isolating Ahmed. He makes the hot tag to Jake, who lands a short-arm clothesline on Owen. A couple of tags lead to the heels dominating Jake.
Owen gets a 2-count off an elbow from the top rope. Bulldog comes in and gets a 2-count of his own from a running powerslam. Vader then gets a 2 off a splash. Hot tag to Big Yoke, who pummels Vader in the corner. Chaos ensues and it breaks down to Vader and Jake. Vader gets the win with a Vader Bomb.
Opinion: A good way to open the show. The heels were smarter than their counterparts, and used their time more effectively. A quick mention for Jim Cornette. He’s the best manager I’ve seen in terms of drawing heat for a whole range of different wrestlers. The crowd HATE him. A great worker.
Hollywood Backlot Brawl Part 1: Roddy Piper vs Goldust
***I’ve not termed this as an actual match because it’s more of a fight and there are a few different parts to it throughout the show – including video footage parodying the OJ Simpson car chase, which I won’t cover. I’ll just cover the beginning and end of the brawl, but not as a match***
Goldust drives up in a (shock!) GOLD Cadillac. Piper leathers the bejesus out of it with a baseball bat, before using the bat on Goldust. He uses other assorted weaponry to do damage, including a fire hose. He slams Goldust on the bonnet of the car (that’s the hood for the Americans!). Goldust gets back into it with a low blow and hits Piper with his car before he drives off. Piper sells the hit-and-run before giving chase.
Match 2: Stone Cold Steve Austin (w/Ted DiBiase) vs Savio Vega
Vega’s on fire early, getting the best of a fistfight until Austin catches him with a right hand and gets control with an armbar. He follows with a 2-count from a top rope elbow. Vega gets a 2-count out of nowhere from a crossbody. They exchange 2-counts from bridge pins and inside cradles.
Vega decides it’s time to go high-risk, but to no avail. He does get a 2-count from a small package though. Austin then goes high-risk as well, and he crashes and burns too. There’s a ref bump. Austin nails Vega with the Million Dollar belt twice before locking in the Million Dollar Dream. Ted DiBiase revives the ref and Austin wins by submission.
Opinion: It was OK, but Austin hadn’t really got into his groove yet. The crowd weren’t all that hot for it, but you could see how technically good Austin was before all those injuries took their toll on him.
Match 3: Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Sable) vs The Ultimate Warrior
Hunter sneak attacks Warrior as the bell rings, landing a few right hands. He’s able to hit the Pedigree quite early, but Warrior no-sells it. I’m telling you it was almost Hoganesque. Warrior hits three clotheslines, a shouldertackle and a big splash for the win.
Opinion: For anyone who’s not aware, the HHH in this match is the same one that’s on TV now, except back then, he wasn’t on the juice. It’s a pre-juice Haitch-Ah getting buried. How’d ya like them apples? See, before he rode Shawn’s coat-tails and married the boss’ daughter, this is all Haitch-Ah was. A posh jobber. I can’t tell you how happy it made me to see him job to Warrior.
Match 4: Diesel vs The Undertaker
Most of the early going resembles a fight you’d see down at your local pub on a Friday night. Taker teases the Tombstone early, but gets a 2-count off a crossbody. Diesel works Taker over on the outside to shift momentum, and he dominates, getting a 2-count off a sidewalk slam.
Taker makes a comeback with right hands. Both men go down after a couple of big boots. Diesel gets a bearhug in, and a side headlock. Taker escapes it with a back suplex and gets a 2-count off a flying clothesline from the top rope. Diesel hits the Jacknife Powerbomb from out of nowhere. He does a second one. Every time he tries to pin Taker, the Deadman chokes him.
Taker goes to chokeslam Diesel, but Big Daddy Cool side suplexes him. Taker comes back with a clothesline, a chokeslam and hits the Tombstone to pick up the win.
Opinion: For two big men, they had a really good match and told a pretty decent story. Big man matches are notoriously hard to watch, mainly cos they’re one dimensional and need smaller guys to bounce off them. However, Diesel and Taker worked really well together. The story of Taker choking Diesel every time he tried to pin him was pretty unique as well.
Hollywood Backlot Brawl Part 2: Roddy Piper vs Goldust
We see Piper and Goldust hauling ass in their respective cars to get to the arena. Once they’re there, they fight like crazy, properly kicking the hell out of each other. Goldust works Roddy’s legs until Piper crotches him on the top rope. Goldust then kisses Roddy and Piper goes mental. There’s (what can only be described as) a frenzied attack on Goldust’s nuts, which results in Roddy stripping Goldust, all the way down to his women’s underwear to end the brawl.
Match 5: 60-Minute Iron Man Match for the WWF Championship – Bret Hart (c) vs Shawn Michaels (w/Jose Lothario)
We see a lot of counter and mat-based wrestling for most of the first 30 minutes. Aside from Bret avoiding Sweet Chin Music on the outside – which makes contact with the timekeeper – not a lot happens. Michaels works over Bret’s shoulder. Bret’s more emotional and aggressive, whereas Michaels is calculated and methodical.
Bret starts to turn things around at the 30 minute mark, and launches Michaels up over the turnbuckle with just over 20 minutes left. Hart works Michaels’ lower back with a series of submissions and high impact moves.
The match, and the crowd picks up with just five minutes of the 60 left. Michaels comes back with a flying forearm, a back elbow, a scoop slam and a double ax-handle from the top rope for a 2-count. Michaels suplexes Bret and connects with a top rope elbow for another couple of 2-counts. He follows those up with a moonsault and a hurricanrana for another couple of close near falls.
Michaels then comes off the top rope, straight into the Sharpshooter. Michaels lasts the final 40 seconds of the match in it and the match ends with neither man scoring a victory. Or so we think…until Gorilla Monsoon orders the match to continue under sudden death rules.
Hart goes back on the attack with knees, a back body drop and a backbreaker. Michaels hits Sweet Chin Music from out of nowhere. He follows it up with another one to get the win at 62 minutes.
Vince McMahon utters the now immortal “the boyhood dream…has come true” line during the post-match celebrations.
Opinion: Here’s a controversial view coming straight at ya – I think this Iron Man Match is one of the most over-rated matches in wrestling history. Wrestling purists will wax lyrical about it, and that’s fine. Don’t get me wrong. I love long matches, but they HAVE to be entertaining. I’d rather watch an excellent 15-minute match than one that lasts 60 minutes +.
Essentially, two sweaty men cuddled for about an hour. That was it. It didn’t keep me interested. In fact at one stage, I ended up playing Candy Crush. Seriously… Just because it was a long match doesn’t make it a good one. If it was just the last five minutes, then yeah. It was good. But encompassing everything, no.
Summary: There were five matches on this card. FIVE. And a brawl. The only matches I really got into were the 6-man opener and the Diesel/Taker match. The rest didn’t capture my interest and the crowd weren’t as hot as they could’ve been. It’s WrestleMania for God’s sake. Give the fans something to get into. And unfortunately, on this occasion, they didn’t have that.
Hopefully, you enjoyed that quick look back at WrestleMania 12. Leave your comments/feedback via the usual channels, and join me again tomorrow to revisit WrestleMania 13!
SLTD Wrestling's resident Scottish Nightmare. Some of my content may not be suitable for younger readers or those who are easily offended!
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